The Negativity of it All

Living this life is hard enough as it is. Negativity seems to be spreading faster and farther throughout our schools, media, neighborhoods, even jobs and it just seems to me that it's like a disease that finds you and latches on.

How many times in your life can you remember a "negative" person ruining your whole day? I can think of plenty.

And I don't just mean negative as a person who says "no" a lot either. I'm talking about that lady, that no matter how many times you smile at her, continues to treat you like a rat. Or that guy who is in such a rush to get nowhere, nearly cuts you off just to get a car length ahead of you. I'm talking about that person who complains constantly about everything and acts so selfishly to get what they want from you and never gives back in return.

Now, let me stop there and tell you that I'm not an angel when it comes to the above. I believe we all have our good and bad days. Negativity IS everywhere and even the least likeliest of people tend to express it. I'm no different.

Back to the topic...

it's THOSE constantly negative people that pretty much stand in our way of being happy.
Now, I'm coming up on my 6th week in a row of attending church, and yes, I feel like I've had to "battle my demons" a little more than usual......or is it simply that by going to church and searching for answers to life's questions, you might actually be getting answers???? Maybe I'm noticing "my demons" a little more because "something" is showing me.

Call me crazy, but it does make a little sense!

Every morning, I tell myself that I'm going to do more today and mope around less. I'm going to smile more and complain less. I'm going to talk to someone I don't know and reconnect with an old friend! Do I always succeed? Of course not, I'm not a robot!! I can't just MAKE myself be more positive overnight!

But I can say one thing that most of the world can't say right now....and that is:

I'M TRYING.

I want to be a better person. Not that I think I'm a horrible person now, or anyone else that I know for that matter.

Like I said in the beginning: Life is hard enough to live as it is....why make it worse for yourself or anyone else?

From Luke 6:27

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners', expecting to repaid in full.

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Up-Hill Battle

I have a really difficult time putting into words the way I've been feeling lately. As if something is changing. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel like something big is happening. I've found myself making changes that I wouldn't have necessarily expected myself to make. All in all, I believe this is good, but I can't begin to tell you how hard it's been.

So here goes nothin...

I feel like my emotions, as well as thoughts, have been all over the map!

As if I'm being pulled in several different directions. Kind of like being in a maze. (which totally scare me by the way...just the thought of being trapped and lost in a maze sends shivers down my spine!)

It's definitely an up-hill battle that I often fear of losing. My Emotions and my Thoughts sometimes run so closely together that it's hard to decipher between the two.

I've begun praying alot lately. Which I have found helps me so much!!! It also brings forth the demons that plague me! I suppose the good thing here is that because of my prayers, I believe I've been able to realize the difference between the demons and angels, so to speak. It really is amazing when you truly start believing in God and His power and the power that is available to you, because once you begin to use it, you can see so many things differently!!! So much clearer! I've begun to feel myself filling with light! I am gaining the ability to overcome things in a more positive less-destructive way! (destructive meaning = less pity party, self-loathing, etc)

I'm sure most people have their own "uphill battle" they're dealing with in their life and I really believe that once you identify the opponent, it's easier to carry out plans of defense that bring you closer to victory. Everyone's demons are different, the challenges we face in this life are unique and it's up to us to take the steps towards changing what needs to be changed and dealing with what needs to be dealt with.

I've realized that I've been a bit distant lately with friends and family...and it's hasn't been intentional, but I think that, for me, when something in my life needs to be dealt with, it's easier to take myself away from everything to view it differently. Sort of like that "outside in" saying. It's always after you part from a situation that you're finally able to see what really happened. Along with the saying, "Don't know what you've got, till it's gone".

Church has been a great help in this!! I really do believe it! I feel like I'm answering a call that's been coming in for a LONG time!

I know most of this probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I have to write it like I think it....lol. I'm sure this won't be the last of the Confusing Jessi Rambles.

I'd just like to end with this: Life IS an up-hill battle is one way or another, as God's Children I believe we are all here to advance and learn...and I'm definitely learning!

So even though the hill's seem high and relentless, keep your focus on God above and He'll guide you...even when you don't necessarily feel it, He's there, so keep going!

8 Months?

Has it really been 8 months since I posted on here? WOW! I suppose it has!
Well, life has changed so much in the last 8 months! Schedules are hectic, kids are bigger, life is just busier.
Not to say that I haven't had the desire to write...or jot down some of the thoughts that run through my head, but again, time is precious and most times, for most people...sitting down and writing about their thoughts takes time and quiet...which are two things we don't get much of these days. :)
You should see my cell phone notepad...it has several small 3-4 word entries of things I need to vent or talk about...so here's a small vow to myself:
I promise to get on here at least once a week and write something...no matter how long or short.

There! Be back in a week.....or sooner!