Up-Hill Battle

I have a really difficult time putting into words the way I've been feeling lately. As if something is changing. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel like something big is happening. I've found myself making changes that I wouldn't have necessarily expected myself to make. All in all, I believe this is good, but I can't begin to tell you how hard it's been.

So here goes nothin...

I feel like my emotions, as well as thoughts, have been all over the map!

As if I'm being pulled in several different directions. Kind of like being in a maze. (which totally scare me by the way...just the thought of being trapped and lost in a maze sends shivers down my spine!)

It's definitely an up-hill battle that I often fear of losing. My Emotions and my Thoughts sometimes run so closely together that it's hard to decipher between the two.

I've begun praying alot lately. Which I have found helps me so much!!! It also brings forth the demons that plague me! I suppose the good thing here is that because of my prayers, I believe I've been able to realize the difference between the demons and angels, so to speak. It really is amazing when you truly start believing in God and His power and the power that is available to you, because once you begin to use it, you can see so many things differently!!! So much clearer! I've begun to feel myself filling with light! I am gaining the ability to overcome things in a more positive less-destructive way! (destructive meaning = less pity party, self-loathing, etc)

I'm sure most people have their own "uphill battle" they're dealing with in their life and I really believe that once you identify the opponent, it's easier to carry out plans of defense that bring you closer to victory. Everyone's demons are different, the challenges we face in this life are unique and it's up to us to take the steps towards changing what needs to be changed and dealing with what needs to be dealt with.

I've realized that I've been a bit distant lately with friends and family...and it's hasn't been intentional, but I think that, for me, when something in my life needs to be dealt with, it's easier to take myself away from everything to view it differently. Sort of like that "outside in" saying. It's always after you part from a situation that you're finally able to see what really happened. Along with the saying, "Don't know what you've got, till it's gone".

Church has been a great help in this!! I really do believe it! I feel like I'm answering a call that's been coming in for a LONG time!

I know most of this probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I have to write it like I think it....lol. I'm sure this won't be the last of the Confusing Jessi Rambles.

I'd just like to end with this: Life IS an up-hill battle is one way or another, as God's Children I believe we are all here to advance and learn...and I'm definitely learning!

So even though the hill's seem high and relentless, keep your focus on God above and He'll guide you...even when you don't necessarily feel it, He's there, so keep going!