Happy Mother's Day (?)

It's that day again. The day when we give thanks and show appreciation for our Mother's. The women who'd sacrifice their lives for us. The ones who showed us how to brush our teeth, how to wipe front to back...lol, explained the birds and the bees....gave us our first razor for shaving. Everywhere you go today, you'll see mom's with their children, young and old, having lunch, dinner...shopping, getting mani/pedi's............but will I be one of them? Nope.

I should feel joy today. I should feel special, because I have 5 beautiful children who I love more than life itself. However, I can't help but feel selfish on this day, because all I can feel is pain and resentment. Anger. Oh, but don't feel left out dad...I'll feel this way on Father's Day too. But that's for another post.....

I've never believed my mother to be a horrible person. She's just a good person, who experienced alot of pain, which in turn, caused her to become something she should have never been. Long story short, I often feel as if Whiskey won over me. I remember the good ole' days when my mom would roll pennies, just to make sure she got that bottle...even when my shoes were so ugly, the kids at school made fun of me. But as long as mom had that bottle, she was happy, and everyone else was too.

But let me stop with that...today should be about my kids and me. Not the constant pain I carry with me day to day.

I got to talk to Drake today! With him being in Wisconsin with his dad...I miss him so much. But talking to him always makes me laugh...he's so energetic. He talks a mile a second. Get's frustrating sometimes, cause he'll ask me a question and start talking again before I can even fully answer. :) That's my Drake. Motor mouth/Genuis! I have plans to get him down here this summer. I haven't seen him in 2 years. His father and I don't talk, which is bad, but even when contact is attempted, it goes unanswered. I don't call Drake, because no one ever answers. I send Drake emails, but a reply is based on whether or not he gets computer access. So he calls me on Sundays. Usually after I've already gone to work...at which I am unable to answer my phone being that I work in a restaurant.
The rest of my kids are on their way over to have lunch with me before I go to work.

But someone once told me...."Nothing bad lasts for forever". That coming from a man who fought overseas in Iraq. If he can tell himself that...there is no reason why I can't.

happy mother's day. Cherish your mother if you are lucky enough to have one in your life. Blood or not. Because living without one can cause more damage than you can imagine.